That of the Burning Man
by I'll.think.of.something
Summary: What is going through Edward's mind as he watches Bella waste away under his own hands? How can he save her when she longs to die a heroic and, in his eyes, irrational death? Taken place when Jacob comes to see Bella's "illness" for himself. BD spoilers!
1. There's no way

**_A/N-  
Thanks a bunch to my Beta BlueSea14 :) There's also a second part to this one-shot, it's not over yet! (I guess I can't really call it a one-shot then...)_**

**Disclaimer- I do not, in any way, own the characters and/or plot in the following story. All Stepenie Meyer ). I just like to mess around with her stuff.**

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I hated myself.

No. I despised, resented, completely and utterly _loathed_ myself.

I couldn't remember the last time I'd hunted. I couldn't remember the last time I felt less than this disgusting, despicable self. All I can remember, all I can think of is Bella. Of course, it's always been that way. But I'd never felt sicker just looking at her. I'd never felt more suicidal, not even 6 months ago, when I had gone to the Volturi. And I would go back to them today, if Bella did not need me.

I crouched on the floor beside her thin, wasted body. Bella's eyes were closed, her breaths coming out heavy and shallow. Her skin was stretched thin across her face, her hands, her ankles. The phrase 'skin and bones' applied to creatures twice as healthy as she.

Bella did not look at me as I clutched her feeble hand within my own. I was glad. I hated pretending, hated having to look content in front of her eyes. But I cannot make it any harder on my love; she's suffering enough as it is. I try so hard to resist crumbling into pieces when she's watching.

Why did I agree, _why_ in the world did I ever agree with her 'compromise'? I'm a monster. More than I ever had been. _You said we could try,_ she had said, _we belong together. _How I wish I hadn't given in to my irrational desires. It had resulted in her pain. That _thing_ in her, that _thing_ that I gave her... is killing her. My sweet, beautiful, fragile, ridiculous Bella was dying – and I couldn't stop it.

Jasper was complaining, groaning in his mind. He hated my dark brooding, my self-loathing. But what he was going through was hardly one-thousandth of what I've been feeling. He knew that, and it was the only reason he hadn't said anything.

Apart from suffering like me in seeing Bella waste away, Alice was frustrated beyond belief: her attempts to see Bella's future failed, now that she's carrying the... demon. But I couldn't dwell on that. I already knew the future. No matter how strong Bella thinks she is, she's delusional. She couldn't survive this; my wonderful, beautiful Bella would die in my arms. My hands would be forever stained with her blood.

I sunk further into my despair from the weight of my pain,my head bumped into Bella's thigh. She exhaled softly, turning her head to my direction. Her hand rested on my head only a second before I removed it and held it to my cheek, my face now a composed mask of false calm and reassurance. Perhaps my façade wasn't as perfect as I'd like to think, however, because she frowned as if she could feel even more pain than she was already in. Her fingers curled around the curve of my face, her brown eyes staring at me with sadness – and fortitude.

I sighed and looked away. I hated myself even more for letting her die before my eyes. I pushed her hands gently away and laid them back on her lap. Burying my face in my knees, my unshed tears consumed me.

"Oh." Alice breathed quietly, and everyone but Bella and I turned to look at her. "Finally, he's coming. "

Bella glanced at Alice, a dim ray of hope lighting up her sallow face.

"Or at least I'm guessing." Alice retaliated, "It could be any other werewolf. Perhaps we should defend ourselves just in case."

She's right. They could be after something more than a joyful reunion.

Bella's brow furrowed, and she trembled slightly with despair. My arms shot out to comfort her, but Rosalie beat me there, hissing under her breath. At me…

I clenched my teeth as I contemplated, for the thousandth time this past week, how much pleasure it would give me to rip my arrogant and vain sister into small pieces.

Jasper's hand came down on my shoulder, warning me to keep my temper under control without making a sound. I swatted him off with force that would've broken all of his fingers, if he were not made of stone.

Carlisle and Emmett were already discussing strategies in how to handle a werewolf attack; Jasper longed to join in, but instead watched me carefully. Apparently I'm the deranged psychopath of the household now... They ought to strap Rosalie down in a vampire-proof straitjacket.

"We might need to head them off, fight somewhere else." Carlisle planned.

"But then that means we lose the support of Edward and Rose." Esmé chimed sadly.

"No!" Bella gasped feebly, in a flash I was on the couch, my arm around my wife, ready to brace myself against any disaster.

"Jacob wouldn't! If they just came, if they saw me like this... I'm not a vampire yet, they have no reason to attack!" Bella seemed spent after her speech. I relaxed slightly, relieved that she was not physically hurt.

I gazed at her thin face and my dead heart strained against my chest in pain. What was I talking about; of course she was hurt, look at her! Not only is her best friend most likely leading the charge to destroy us, she's carrying a demon, one which I had full responsibility of. For a moment, my face slipped from its façade, my eyes watered with imaginary tears and my face taunt with tension.

But Bella noticed nothing, because at the same time, the phone rang dimly in the background. Carlisle answered after the second ring.

"Hello?"

"_Carlisle! How's Bella? Please, let me speak to her." _Charlie's voice was lined with frantic worry and tainted with hopelessness. He knew there was no way through Carlisle.

"Charlie," Carlisle's voice was saturated with patience and kindness, "I'm so sorry. But she cannot speak to you. I will call you as soon as she's well enough to do so. Please, just wait for my call."

"_She's my daughter. Please.__"_ He sounded close to tears. If he knew the truth, he would be nearly as devastated as me. He would probably want to kill me, as well – and I couldn't say that I wouldn't welcome it. I deserved death.

"Charlie, please understand. I'm not trying to be difficult, but there is simply no way. She's just too weak. I'm sorry."

"_Is she ever going to be alright?"_ His voice was flat and dead now.

"I'm sure she'll be perfectly fine after this sickness has passed; it's just taking a while." To human ears, Carlisle sounded completely convincing, but I could catch his doubt and hopelessness.

"_Just call me as soon as there's anything new. And tell her I love her so much."_

"You need not ask that at all."

"_Thank you.__"_

Bella was trembling by the end of the phone call, tears welling in her eyes. Her teeth came down on her bottom lipwhile air gushed in and out of her mouth as she struggled not to sob.

I brushed a strand of her matted hair out of her pale, sullen face and held her chin up to look in her eyes. Two giant tear drops landed on my hand. They felt very warm. I looked her in the eye with sad tenderness, undying love, and hopeless pain. I saw everything reflected back at me. Her big beautiful brown eyes were full of frustration, pain, love, and determination. Her right hand came up to caress my own, while her left automatically cradled the obscene bulge on her stomach.

There was no way I could take that demon from Bella without scarring her forever.

Bella. My beautiful, pure Bella was in love with yet another monster, a demon that was killing her far more slowly than I ever would have. Why has fate dealt her this horrible hand?

I should never have come into her life.

Pain crossed her eyes as she read the emotions in mine. I had been too slow to look away, to prevent her from seeing the agony inside of me. I shook my head slightly and smiled her favorite crooked smile, trying to reassure her.

Then I heard him.

_Ok. So I'll just walk in, see Sam's precious evidence for myself, and then challenge Edward to a duel. The parasite'd probably get a kick out of the theatrics of it._

Bella's brows furrowed with worry as a dark look came over my face. I leaned in to peck her lips softly, and stood up.

"Jacob's coming alone, to kill me."

**_A/N-  
So what do you think? Please send me a review so I can know what to improve on! Thanks. :)_**


	2. Jacob's here

_**A/N- Thanks so much for your support on the first chapter! **__****__** This chapter is a lot longer! Teehee. Thanks lots to my beta again! **_

**Disclaimer- I do not, in any way, own the characters and/or plot in the following story. All Stepenie Meyer ). I just like to mess around with her stuff.**

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Many things happened at once

Jasper stood abruptly, ready to fight at a moment's notice. In his mind he went over the memories from the battle not so long ago, recalling all the tactics and techniques the werewolves had used.

Alice frowned as she concentrated on seeing any sort of future for our family. With a slight groan, her fingers flew to her temples, caressing her over exerted head. She leaned her tiny body against Jasper, cursing the littledemoninside of Bella for giving her headaches.

There was nothing but challenge and anticipation in Emmett's eyes and mind; he was, as always, up for the fight. I'd call him immature, but oh, how I envied his optimistic ways.

Rosalie rolled her eyes and thought of nothing but protecting the _thing_. The gentle cooing she adopted within her thoughts, reserved only for _it_, was unfamiliar and in sharp contrast to the snarls she often used aloud to me these days.

Carlisle's thoughts were torn between worries and weariness, which was typical of my peace-loving father. His protectiveness for our family countered his distaste for violence, and it was clear that he wished for a peaceful resolution.

Esmé's anxiety was written on her delicate face, outlined so vividly by her protesting thoughts and regretful mourns.

Bella was the first one to speak, however.

"No!" She clutched against my stone cold arm in despair.

I crouched down next to her at eye level, my lips against her sallow cheek as I tried to distract her from the crushing reality, "Shh, my love, I won't let him hurt you."

"Why would Jacob hurt me?" She demanded hysterically, "As soon as he sees the state I'm in, he'd have no reason to attack you or anyone else."

I gazed into those foolish, beautiful eyes. How much longer will I have with my silly, naïve Bella? How many more hours do I have to be able to match my cold dead eyes to her wistful ones?

"The question is, Bella, will he give you a chance to explain before he challenges Edward?" Jasper stated softly, cringing inwardly – no doubt from the frantic anguish in Bella that was visible to everyone in the room

"All he's got to do is see me. Just see me, then he'll know. He'll understand." The look on her face reminded me avidly of a lost and confused kitten. She glanced between our faces, back and forth, lingering on longest on Alice's and mine. Both of our faces were twisted in expressions of pity and misery.

"No. This will end well. I know it." Her smile was anxious, but she gazed lovingly at the bulge that distorted her shape. "He will live to see the sun. He won't need to be hidden away from the world any longer."

I clenched my fist by my side, turning my face away from Bella before she could catch the dejection that consumed me. It always tore me apart inside when Bella spoke of that little…_monster_ in that loving, hopeful way.

_Yet, will she be around to see him?_ Carlisle's ejected flatness was foreboding. If my father did not think Bella would make it, how could I believe it? If only there was another way... Another means to fulfill Bella's wishes without harming her...

_Ew. Wet dog._ Rosalie's nose wrinkled. Shifting his weight, Jasper's shoulders hunched upwards, subconsciously preparing for an attack.

"Please, children, behave. Jacob is in a difficult situation right now, and plus, he's Bella's friend." Esmé lectured quietly.

"He's not feeling all that friendly, Esmé." Jasper retorted, tense for action. "I don't know if we can afford to be empathetic right now."

I was in deep thought, hovering above Bella's crouched form, my hands clenched by my side. She still looked horrible. Her expression was one of worry and guilt. Guilt was the last thing she needed or deserved right now. Why was she always killing herself over things she had no control over?

Yet there I was. I led her down the path to hell when I had the power to choose otherwise. Was there any other monster more hideous and less deserving than I was?

It wasn't until I heard his voice did I realize Jacob was in the room.

"I heard Bella made it back alive." Hostility and arrogance lighted his tone.

"Er, Jacob, it's not really the best time." _It wouldn't be useful to have an enraged werewolf in our presence right now._ Carlisle added silently, "Could we do this later?"

How could I possibly find a way to bring sanity into Bella's reasoning? It's precious to her, the _thing_. She did nothing but sooth us, trying to persuade us that nothing was wrong. Only that it, _he_, is just a little too strong... How can I watch this demon eat her from the inside out?

"Why not?" Bella's eyes were tortured as she laughed to herself without humour. "Are we keeping secrets from Jacob, too? What's the point?"

What is the point, indeed? Once he knows, he would be dying to kill me: that was for certain. What a quick way out. It's good that he came here before Bella...

"Come in, please, Jacob."

Before Bella gets too weak...

Before she gives birth.

Before she...

_...Once I had seen him in pain. But this- this __is__ beyond agony... _

Before she dies.

_I __can__ only think of one thing that would make him look like that._

If there were any way to save my foolish Bella, any way at all, I'd give my life to make it happen. If there was a way to satisfy Bella's radical desires without destroying her soft, vulnerable body... I didn't want it to come to this conclusion. But it seemed like it was the only way to possibly get around her strange and absurd longings.

Now that Jacob was here.

_Is that really her?_

He could save her. He could do what I've failed at. He could father healthy children, normal and harmless children. He could give her everything. I was so wrong – so wrong in staying, so wrong in keeping her welded to me, so wrong for still being in her life when it was evident that all I can bring her is pain and danger.

I am not human.

I am a monster.

Rosalie leaned towards Bella's crouched form, protecting her from Jacob, when I was the one who she really needed to be protected from. I stared at Bella's pathetic form; my eyes burning with unshed tears, my forehead shining with unseen sweat. Bella looked so apologetic, almost like she felt bad for her predicament. My dead heart clenched. Could she really get any _more_ fragile than this?

Seeming almost... bored, Rosalie caught Bella's vomit the basin, just like she has every half an hour for the past week.

She's suffering every minute of this life. And for what? A demon that a monster had given her.

I've never felt more human, more vulnerable this past week. I've never given in to such human emotions, human weaknesses, and human reflections. This time my knees gave out. I fell to the floor, gazing at Bella's green, sickly shape.

If it had been someone else, anyone else...

For the millionth time since I've met Bella, I wished I wasn't a damned creature.

"Sorry about that." I heard Bella whisper to Jacob when she was finished.

What did she have to be sorry for? Why is she doing this? Why can't she act like a normal person and blame me? Bella the giver, that's who she's always been. I've never hated it more. I deserved to be scorned, cast away. I deserved to be forever banned from her kind love.

Some sort of tortured noise escaped my throat before I could control it, and my head slumped against my frail wife. I felt her cold, clammy hand on my cheek. I flinched inside again. I _didn't_ deserve her.

_Oh no, you don't, _puppy._ Stay where you are._

Rosalie hissed like a protective lioness fending for her cubs as she darted between Bella and Jacob. He seemed to not even see the towering hostile vampire in his path and tried to step around her.

"Rose, don't." Bella muttered quietly, she sounded tired. "It's fine."

_No it's not_.

No, it wasn't.

It would be if she'd never met me. If I'd never existed in this life... If I'd died in 1918 like I was meant to, Bella's belly would be swelling beautifully with Jacob's child right now. There'd be happy laughter, photo albums, and trips to the clinic. Charlie could be involved with the family; there'd be no danger in Bella's life.

If it weren't for me.

"Are you alright?" What a useless question.

"I'm so glad you came to see me today, Jacob," Bella answered instead.

_Why is that? Because you know you don't have much longer?_

That same noise sounded again from my lips, muffled by the blanket that shielded Bella's body from Jacob's view. Bella habitually stroked my cheek. Her cold shaking fingers, gentle against my granite skin, were a shockingly similar temperature to mine.

"What is it, Bella?"

Was it possible? Was it possible for me to truly ask Jacob of such a ludicrous request? He might jump at the chance. But I have no time to be jealous right now; the only thing that mattered was Bella's safety. Nothing is more important than her being alive.

"Help me up, Rose?"

_Not a chance. This isn't a good idea. The dog would just as soon harm the baby as he'd fetch a ball._

"Please, Rose?"

What if he agreed? What if it worked? What if he won the girl after all...? I knew the answer before I had asked. I'd graciously bow out of Bella's life, of course. But I'd never forget her. Not even long after she was dead. I'd follow her soon after, for a life without her existence is no life at all.

"No, don't get up..." Jacob cared for Bella. He did. That much was obvious.

It was not fair to ask the boy to contribute for Bella the same way as I do. As far as they go, Jacob was more than I could ever ask for as a protector.

He could do it. He could lead her into happiness. He could give her what she wanted. What she needed.

Somehow I found my face within the sofa cushions, my eyes staring at the small lined particles of the fabric, focused on nothing at all. My head buzzed, an ache I've never known to exist. My dead heart seemed to be pounding, but no blood rushed through my veins, for I am forever still. Forever cold. Forever unworthy of Bella's sweet, human love.

Anything to save her. Anything. I would give her over to the pup. For her sanity, her life, and her happiness, if she so chooses. She loves him too, after all.

_I saw__ her just a month ago. __There's__ no way she could be pregnant. Not _that_ pregnant. Except that she __is__._

He'd do it, right? Why shouldn't he jump at the chance? I winced into the cushions, my mind picturing images that made my rigid heart stutter. I braced myself and clenched my fists tighter still, itching to destroy any solid object. _For her_. All for Bella, everything for Bella.

I did not remove my face from the sofa, yet I knew the room and its conditions so well. I could see it through everyone's eyes. I could hear Esmé's worries, Carlisle's concern, Alice's fear, Jasper's intensity, Emmett's focus, and Rosalie's fury.

_Shock. Disgust. Worry. Anger. All the normal feelings. But will he take it too far? Werewolves are known to be unstable._ Jasper tensed for Jacob's expected breaking point.

_Oh great, not only does he smell like an animal, but he's another threat to the baby's safety. _Rosalie's temper was bubbling out of control, as always. Everything lately has been about _it_; you'd think_ she_ was the one pregnant.

_The reason she looks like this – so pregnant, so sick- is because whatever's inside her is taking her life to feed its own. It's a monster. __Just like its father._

I stiffened; how true Jacob's thoughts were. He was the only one I could trust to see things as the way it is. To be unbiased. His hatred for me will serve as a great help when I want a way out of this miserable life. When nothing holds me to this existence any longer.

_I always knew he would kill her._

In a flash, I was standing over the boy, staring daggers into his face. Did he not understand how much of any of this was unprecedented? How could I expect a child to understand the love I feel for Bella? To understand the anguish I feel to watch her waste away right before of my eyes?

For a moment, I wanted to tear Jacob into pieces. The one who shared Bella's love. The one who gave her pain, gave her joy that I could never give, and understood her the way I never can. Jealousy and fury consumed me.

"Outside, Jacob." I snarled.

He stood, glaring at me with the same hatred as I felt at that second. "Let's do this."

Emmett and Jasper, like true brothers they were, stepped up to defend my flanks.

_Don't do __anything__ rash, Edward. This won't help Bella in anyway. _Emmett was suddenly the responsible one.

_You know you'll just hurt her even further, Edward._ Carlisle warned me, _Calm down. There's no time for a fight. Don't give Jacob what he wants._

How right they were. And I wasn't, I wasn't going to fight him, of course not. This is as good of a time as any to discuss with Jacob what I needed him to do for me. For Bella.

"No," Bella stuttered and fell forward to catch my arm. Rosalie followed Bella like a protective mother, her black eyes furious and full of anxiety.

"I just need to talk to him, Bella," I stroked the side of her face with delicate care. Who knows if I can still touch her like this after this? "Don't strain yourself. Please rest. We'll both be back in just a few minutes." It felt like I was always pleading her to take care of herself now.

She contemplated for a moment, staring intently at me. I arranged my features to look non-chalant. After examination, she nodded severely and slumped back to the couch with Rosalie's help.

Bella caught Jacob's eyes and squinted meaningfully.

"Behave," she demanded, "And then come back."

He said nothing and followed me out the door.

_**A/N – More reviews please! There's going to be a chapter 3 on when Edward and Jacob have the talk. I'm not sure if I should do one on what the vampires in the other room is thinking while Jacob is talking to Bella, so give me some opinions!! **__****_


	3. Negotiation

_**A/N-  
Here's part three of this very long shot. :) shall I do part 4?? Let me know! Thanks for everyone's support and the alerts that have been added to this story!! Woot!  
And of course, thanks a bunch to my Beta BlueSea14 :) **_

**Disclaimer- I do not, in any way, own the characters and/or plot in the following story. All Stepenie Meyer. I just like to mess around with her stuff.**

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_EPOV_

_Wow. It wasn't all that hard to separate him from the rest of the coven, was it?_

As Jacob eagerly planned an attack, I tried to formulate a way to go about asking him the ridiculous request in a tactful yet effective way. But what if his rash temper got in the way before I could get my words out?

"I'm not ready for you to kill me yet, Jacob Black." I stated in what I thought was an assertive voice, but somehow it came out as a shaky whisper. "You'll have to have a little patience."

"Patience isn't my specialty." He growled.

I ignored him, knowing full well that I could beat him in a fight—at least until he heard me out. Afterwards... he could do whatever, kill me, sure. It no longer mattered.

I could feel tension roll of off the boy's body like waves. Even without reading his thoughts, the hostility was obvious. Still, I kept pacing further away from the house, determined not to be overheard by my family.

For a moment, I almost paused. Was I too far away? What if Bella needed me? The crippling need to be near her consumed me. We had so little time together now: how could I not treasure every second? My breathing came out faster and faster as I pondered the possibility of something bad happening while I was out.

Could I be back in time if something went wrong? Could I, hearing someone's thoughts, rush back to my Bella's side in time to... say goodbye once more?

No further, I decided. And spun around quickly to face Jacob Black.

His enraged expression turned to one of shock. His focused eyes, full of hatred, melted into pain and pity. For a second, I saw myself in his eyes. Old. Wise. Full of hurt.

As I watched, my pain reflected in his eyes. How smart Jacob was, how sympathetic. He knew. He knew it all, that the demon was eating Bella from the inside out. He knew, and he grieved. He knew she didn't stand a chance. He knew her so well.

How could I watch her waste away, when I had every power to change it? The answer was so clear. So obvious, staring me in the face. Jacob Black could give her everything I could not. Safety, happiness, mortality, and children.

My hand came up, a habitual action; its purpose was unknown to me. It was something to do. So much frustration. I could not save Bella. I could not stay with her. I could not talk sense into her. Not without Jacob.

Useless.

He was her savior and I was her monster. I was the atrocity in her life, the antagonist that will take her life away. I hated it; I hated my fate, my immortality, and my mistakes. Therein lies the irony. I opened my mouth, almost as if to laugh. But I felt no humor. The lion who fell in love with the lamb.

I was sick.

"It's killing her, right? She's dying."

Sick.

"My fault," My knees betrayed me again, and I crumpled to the ground. "Yes. Yes, it's killing her."

Saying it made it so much more final. So much more real.

"So why hasn't Carlisle done anything?" Jacob was irritated. "He's a doctor, right? Get it out of her."

Did he honestly think we hadn't tried that? Did he honestly believe that I hadn't tried everything in my power to stop this?

"She won't let us." I explained, tired and spent. I felt so human right now, so weak and useless.

_Jeez, she's running true to form. Of course, die for the monster spawn. So_ Bella.

And here I was, the so-called mind reader. Who couldn't understand a thing about the love of my existence. "You know her well," Too well, almost. "How quickly you see... I didn't see. Not in time."

Not worthy.

"She wouldn't talk to me on the way home, not really. I thought she was frightened – that would be natural. I thought she was angry with me for putting her through this, for endangering her life. Again. I never imagined what she was really thinking, what she was _resolving_."

I felt like I was begging for his forgiveness, trying to get him to understand. Maybe that was part of it. I was so close to the edge.

"Not until my family met us at the airport and she ran right into Rosalie's arms. Rosalie's! And then I heard what Rosalie was thinking. I didn't understand until I heard that. Yet you understand after one second..."

"Just back up a second. She won't let you." His voice was marred with sarcasm and anger. "Did you ever notice that she's exactly as strong as a normal hundred-and-ten-pound human girl? How stupid are you vamps? Hold her down and knock her out with drugs."

Didn't he see the obstacle in our way, in the form of an indestructible blonde? "I wanted to," I sighed quietly, defeated in everyway. "Carlisle would have..."

_What, too noble were they?_

Too noble to save Bella's life? Never. "No. Not noble. Her bodyguard complicated things." I grimaced.

If it weren't for Rosalie... If she wasn't in the way, Bella would be healthy, glowing... and her future would be ascertained to exist.

_Oh. So that's what Blondie's up to. What's in it for her, though? Did the beauty queen want Bella to die so bad?_

"Maybe," I paused, "Rosalie doesn't look at it quite that way." No. She only sees her gain, a baby. She only cares for herself, of course; Bella's life means nothing to her. My breath hitched slightly; I had to remind myself to stay calm. I must do this. Negotiate, for Bella's sake.

"So take the blonde out first. Your kind can be put back together, right? Turn her into a jigsaw and take care of Bella."

Silly, childish ways. Everything you have thought of, Jacob Black - and anything you will ever be capable of contemplating to save Bella - I have already covered in the _second _I realized this catastrophe.

"Emmett and Esme are backing her up. Emmett would never let us..." A more reasonable me would have once empathized with my brother; but I remembered it was his mate's irrational and selfish ways that caused the problem. "And Carlisle won't help me with Esme against it..." I heard my voice growing quieter, only because Jacob noticed.

Our whole family revolved around love, so many of my family members have opted to watch my wife waste away in consideration of their own mate. Oh, the things you'd do for the one you adored... Things you'd choose to ignore and overlook for the sake of the one you existed for... It was all sick. Sadistic. Selfish.

Yet so familiar.

"You should have left Bella with me."

I'm a hypocrite. A monster who would be ready at a moments notice to tear apart his family to save his love, if only he had the resources. So wrong, yet so right. But none of this mattered. It wasn't happening. Nothing I could do would save Bella now.

Nothing _I _could do.

"Yes."

Before he even thought of the words, I already knew what he was going to think.

"We didn't know," There was that strange desperation to make him sympathize again, "I never dreamed. There's never been anything like Bella and I before. How could we know that a human was able to conceive a child with one of us—"

"When the human should get ripped to shreds in the process?" He snarled.

"Yes," I responded without hesitation, that seemed to anger him further, but I continued. Eager to put myself in a better light, to justify my actions. I did not to this with knowledge, I never meant to harm Bella, Jacob _must_ know this. "They're out there, the sadistic ones, the incubus, the succubus. They exist. But the seduction is merely a prelude to the feast. No one _survives_."

I shook my head without really feeling it, trying to rid the nagging conscience building up inside of me. Am I really any different, any less sadistic or disgusting?

"I didn't realize they had a special name for what you are." He was almost shaking now.

I looked up into his eyes, tense with anxiety and remorse.

"Even you, Jacob Black, cannot hate me as much as I hate myself."

_Wrong._

" Killing me now doesn't save her." Could I really do this? Offer him the ultimatum; would he do it? Of course, of course he would. He was a boy, in love with my Bella.

"So what does?" He sounded desperate; a faint echo of my torturous thoughts rang in his head, washed down with anger.

"Jacob," I began, "You have to do something for me."

"The hell I do, parasite!"

I didn't move, didn't blink. Anger, misbelieve, grief, more anger. I've expected it all; felt it all. "For her?"

"I did everything I could to keep her away from you. Every single thing. It's too late."

"You know her, Jacob. You connect to her on a level that I don't even understand. You are part of her, and she is part of you. She won't listen to me, because she thinks I'm underestimating her. She thinks she's strong enough for this..." So naïve. So weak and fragile. My Bella. "She might listen to you."

"Why would she?" Jacob glared at me, his voice full of cynicism.

I jumped up frantically. Did he not understand his power over her? I'd seen his persuasion work wonders on Bella. He had the power to save my wife: did he not know it?

_Maybe he's actually going crazy. Could vampires lose their minds?_

"Maybe," I contemplated, "I don't know. If feels like it." Why was I confiding in Jacob the state of my mental health? I tried to shake the thought off, but it kept coming out.

"I have to try to hide this in front of her, because stress makes her more ill. She can't keep anything down as it is. I have to be composed; I can't make it harder." I rambled on, and suddenly caught myself; I must make the proposal, "But that doesn't matter now. She has to listen to you!"

"I can't tell her anything you haven't. What do you want me to do? Tell her she's stupid? She probably already knows that. Tell her she's going to die? I bet she knows that, too."

And here went nothing—no, not nothing. Everything. It's all I had left.

"You can offer her what she wants." I took a deep breath, "I don't care about anything but keeping her alive. If it's a child she wants, she can have it. She can have half a dozen babies. Anything she wants." And just for effect, "She can have puppies, if that's what it takes."

I looked him right in the eyes to show how much I meant every word I said. Jacob slowly mulled over my words, I was unimpressed when his jaw dropped with disbelieve; I had better clarify more.

"But not this way! Not this _thing _that's sucking the life from her while I stand there helpless! Watching her sicken and waste away. Seeing it _hurting_ her." That was it: the key problem. Something I gave her was hurting her. I had never been good with watching her in pain, but this time... This time I could not stop it.

"You _have_ to make her see reason, Jacob. She won't listen to me anymore. Rosalie's always there, feeding her insanity – encouraging her. Protecting her." What was I saying? "No, protecting_ it_. Bella's life means nothing to her." I spat out.

A strange grunt came out of Jacob's throat as he tried to make sense of what I wanted.

_What is he saying? Bella, have a baby with... _me_? How? Is he... giving her up? He can't possibly think she wouldn't mind being_ shared.

"Whichever." The energy drained out of me, "Whatever keeps her alive."

"That's the craziest thing you've said yet." But I could hear him counter arguing with his conscience. He was swayed, of course.

"She loves you." My dead heart weighed heavily in my chest. But I pushed the jealousy and despair away. I must be focused now, as long as she's alive, nothing else mattered.

"Not enough."

"She's reading to die to have a child. Maybe she'd accept something less extreme."

"Don't you know her at all?" He retorted. My insides clenched tightly. No. It appears not.

"I know, I know. It's going to take a lot of convincing. That's why I need you. You know how she thinks. Make her see sense." I repeated. Desperate? Crazy? Maybe both.

Sick. Terrible images came up in Jacob's mind. I resisted, with great difficulty, the desire to attack. I could not afford to feel protective of Bella any longer. Was it possible to ignore the mental pictures, the reliving...? The increased thoughts of my wife in another man's mind?

Bella in his arms, Bella sighing Jacob's name. Bella kissing him sweetly, Bella telling him she loved him. Bella. Round with his child.

My fists clenched and it was all that I could do to not break every bone in his body. How hypocritical, I was the one who put those thoughts in his head. I'm unstable, crazy, and delirious.

"Make _Bella_ see sense? What universe do you live in?" He seems to be frustrated by his imagination as well, even while enjoying it at the same time.

I was spent, trying to convince him to do this and killing myself in the process. Cynicism is not what I wanted from him. "At least try."

"Where is this psycho crap coming from? Are you making this up as you go?"

"I've been thinking of nothing but ways to save her since I realized what she was planning to do. What she would die to do. But I didn't know how to contact you. I knew you wouldn't listen if I called. I would have come to find you soon, if you hadn't come today. But it's hard to leave her, even for a few minutes. Her condition... it changes so fast. The thing is... growing. Swiftly. I can't be away from her now."

"What _is_ it?"

The question of the day. "None of us have any idea. But it is stronger than she is. Already."

And then suddenly I was in pain, pain so real that it was almost physical. I could see red, red everywhere, the phantom blood in my frozen veins racing. My muscles cramping up impossibly. All because of the image in Jacob's head. Bella. Red with blood, her head slump, her eyes dull; the little _demon_ breaking out of her forcefully.

"Help me stop it." I groaned softly, "Help me stop this from happening."

"_How_? By offering my stud services?" He flinched, and I almost did too, but the image, still fresh in his mind and vivid in mine, kept me from feeling anything but desperate pain. "You're really sick. She'll never listen to this." He sounded like he was trying to convince himself as well.

"Try. There's nothing to lose now. How will it hurt?"

_It'd hurt me._

"A little pain to save her? Is it such a high cost?" My teeth clenched.

"But it won't work."

"Maybe not. Maybe it will confuse her, though. Maybe she'll falter in her resolve. One moment of doubt is all I need."

His temper flared then, "And then you pull the rug out from under the offer? 'Just kidding, Bella'?"

"If she wants a child, that's what she gets. I won't rescind." I growled, tired and hopeless.

_This is crazy. Bella would just punch me – and break her hand __again__. I shouldn't let him mess with my head this way. I should just kill him now._

"Not now." I whispered firmly. "Not yet. Right or wrong, it would destroy her, and you know it. No need to be hasty. If she won't listen to you, you'll get your chance. The moment Bella's heart stops beating, I will be begging for you to kill me." Sweet release was going to be so much the closer with him here.

"You won't have to beg long."

I felt the corners of my mouth tug with a weary, sardonic smile. "I'm very much counting on that."

"Then we have a deal."

I nodded slightly, heavy with dread and fear. What if she agreed? What if she left me? But I scolded myself harshly. _Nothing_ else mattered but her life. I held out my hand, to offer neutrality and comradeship, for the time being.

Though it repulsed him, making an agreement with me, touching my cold, hard skin, he made good of his promise and took my hand.

"We have a deal."

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_**A/N-  
Inputs inputs inputs!!! :) help me decide if I should do part four or just cut the atrocity now and forever! :D**_


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